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20th December 2016
12:18am GMT
Think you could be an Olympian, but just not exactly sure where your niche is?
Yep, THAT's the only thing stopping us.
But we've done a little thinking and we're confident that we've found JUST the thing for you. It has to be one of these.
Know anybody who'd take home the gold for this one?
Eating all around you forever and ever until you pass out and/or die. That's it.
Sounds like a standard Saturday morning, amirite??
Or in layman's terms: Pony Playing.
Still incorporating horses, but... funner.
An event, open to both genders, in which groovers perform with props of their choice, with the aim of the game being to groove the hardest to any number of Shania Twain songs.
Blink and you'll miss it.
Brothers fighting brothers. The only rules are that there are no rules.
It can go on for days!
They most cutthroat of them all.
To keep it current, you know.
Bonus points for any Mickey Mouse Clubber.
For those of you who sort of like swimming, but who really love lying down.
Requiring pitch, tone and stamina.
Contestants compete their hardest to come up with something so outrageous, wild and funny that it will, indeed, break the internet.
Hilarity ensues.
Or, in layman's terms, table tennis except using your head as the bat. Oh so wrong, yet so so right.
May as well teach us a thing or two while we're at it.
We're not just talking about supermarkets.
Think dual carriageways, motorways and even beaches. Hardcore.
Obviously.
And in case you'd forgotten how...
Personalised oven mitts handed out on arrival.
With yet another handy and informative video.
Played with a bouncy ball, on a wet day, with sharp and angular curbs.
May the odds be ever in your favour.
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