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20th December 2016
12:18am GMT

The fear of flying is a both a crippling and an annoying phobia that grips over 30% of people across the world. Due to flying being the optimum mode of travel (come on, no one likes ferries), the fear of being airborne is something a lot of people have to try their best to deal with.
And that doesn't come easy when you have twits for mates who stick their foot in their mouth like it's going out of fashion.
Please, God, you don't have to deal with any of these profanities just before you fly...
Oh. Thanks. You know, nobody's ever quoted that statistic at me before, and now that you've uttered it I'm FUCKING CURED.

Oh, grand then.

Oh, why didn't I think of that?

No it's not; it's all up in the sky. IN THE FUCKING SKY.

Your funeral, mate.

So, you're saying there's a chance?!

Because if something happens I WANT TO BE ALERT, OKAY.

Unless you're aware of some form of flying that doesn't involve take-off, then this comment is of zero assistance to me whatsoever.

You, at this stage.

Oh, okay then.

Great, I feel tonnes better.

Oh yeah, well how's your fear of spiders working out for you?!
Moron.

No, which is why I firlmly and genuinely believe that they are all still alive in the sky, just a little bit lost.

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