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10th July 2017
11:13am BST
There's been some classic moments on Irish telly over the years: man slipping on ice instantly springs to mind, but the truly fantastic ones can sometimes slip under the radar.
Take this 1986 clip of Garda Patrol, the 80s version of Crimecall, for a prime example.
A fine mustached Gardai is talking through alllll the exciting crime news and investigations of the past week, and Jesus Christ has crime in Ireland exploded since then.
Top of the listings include a stolen burglar alarm with the keys still in it (yes, really), a missing caravan, and some sort of power tool that "the Gardai at Kilmainham would like to know where it is now."
It's all very polite and VERY Father Ted.
The absolute best segments from the video include two stolen lead ornaments - a "male and a female" - that were taken from a home, and 11 cattle that were taken from a shed.
I wonder if the Cappoquinn Garda investigation into these missing male and female ornaments is still open. pic.twitter.com/HCjdRM70lh
— Shane Hegarty (@shanehegarty) July 9, 2017
Well, I mean, not these cows. Just cows that look similar to these ones. Just y'know, a friendly reminder to the people of Ireland as to what cows look like.
Their confidence that someone would recognise 11 particular cattle out of all the cattle in Ireland was impressive.
— Shane Hegarty (@shanehegarty) July 9, 2017
Skip to six minutes into the clip for the full hilarious footage. You couldn't script it.
Never change Eire...
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