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6th July 2017
04:57pm BST
Are you in dire need of some tender loving care?
Well, you've come to the wrong place, my friend.
Because what you'll find below is a list of places that will provide anything but love. These are places where you can get a sneaky, sly shift in every county in Ireland.
Don't agree? Let us know...
Patterson's Place, Belfast
It wouldn't be a trip to Belfast without a good gobbin' in Thompsons Garage, our sources reliably inform us.
It is possible to find luv in da club, or in this case, in a garage.
READ: 16 Northern Irish Slang Phrases Explained In Perfect English
Market Street, Armagh Town
Generations upon generations of locals have fallen in love in this bar.
But don't lose sights of what you're really there for... the shift.
Tullow Street, Co Carlow
Slime and grime aside, if you're on the prowl for a guaranteed shift then Scraggs is almost always a reliable spot for just that.
Pucker up.
Main Street, Cavan Town
You can't beat a good old tongue wrestle in The Imperial – it's a coming of age and a rite of passage that all Cavan people must endure.
You'll never forget your first <3
Miltown Malbay, Co Clare
Did you even go to Willie Clancy if you didn't get the shift?
The masses descend upon Miltown Malbay for what is always an unforgettable week of music, culture, dance and plenty of... you guessed it... shiftin'.
St Patrick's Street, Cork City
A clear winner when it comes to shifting, all sides; if you don't pull in The Savoy there's no hope for the human race.
READ: 44 Things Cork Has That You Simply Won't Get In Dublin
Navenny Street, Ballybofey, Co Donegal
Previously known as 'Barcelona', the Barca Bar is solid venue for a bit of tongue-twister.
We've all been there.
Waterloo Street, Derry City
If you're looking for The One, then you would wanna look somewhere else because you won't find 'em here – Granny Annie's is for instant regrets only.
And, oh, the regrets you will have.
Main Street, Bangor, Co Down
The name of this alt bar really, um, sets the tone for the evening.
Their Facebook page description says it all really: "The same as everyone else but slightly better".
Anywhere in Temple Bar, Dublin City Centre
Obviously we all know Coppers as a steamy hub of suspicious, borderline-illicit behaviour. But if you take your sneaky shifts seriously then you will know Temple Bar is where things really go down.
No tourist can resist a quick póg, a lovely Irish accent or the fact that ye will never see each other again. The drinks may be extortionate but the memories will last a lifetime.
High Street, Enniskillen, Co Fermanagh
Lock eyes from across the room, down your pint, pluck up some courage and ask: "Will you shift my friend?"
"No."
"Oh. Ok, will you shift me?"
"Alright."
A modern day romance.
Dominick Street, Galway City Centre
As a consistent venue for a good oul' shift you just can't go wrong with Róisín Dubh. Whether it's that lad you went to primary school with, an old estranged friend or a perfect stranger you're after – you'll find them all in Róisín.
(Honourable mention: Hole in the Wall during RAG Week is also a solid option for an annual exchange of saliva.)
READ: 33 Things Galway Has That You Won't Get In Dublin
Spa Road, Dingle, Co Kerry
If you're looking to get the face worn off ya, then you've come to the right place.
The Hillgrove has taken many a frigidity over the last three decades. Now that's something to be proud of.
READ: 44 Amazing Things Kerry Has That You Simply Won't Get In Dublin
Main Street, Naas, Co Kildare
Time waits for no man, but The Court is home to some of the most unforgettable shifts in the history of shifts.
Sweet, sweet memories.
READ: 25 Things Naas Has That You Absolutely Won't Find In Dublin
The Parade, Kilkenny Town
Well known for satisfied customers getting their bit.
Where better to have a fling than in Kilkenny?
READ: 47 Things Kilkenny Has That You Simply Won't Get In Dublin
Market Square, Portlaoise, Co Laois
Well known to locals but an alien concept to outsiders: Portlaoise has its very own Coppers. Who knew?
Loved by locals for a good jaw-lock.
The Landmark Hotel, Carrick-on-Shannon, Co Leitrim
Some say the club is named after the most shifts by one person in a single night.
Is that a challenge? It sounds like a challenge.
Robert Street, Limerick City
Basic but golden. Find the randomer of your dreams and maul the face off them.
Love IS real.
READ: 47 Things Limerick Has That You Quite Simply Won't Get In Dublin
Main Street, Co Longford
Filled to the brim with craytures of the finest variety.
A trustworthy club to satisfy your necking-on needs.
Fairgreen, Drogheda, Co. Louth
Masses of youths aside, Electric Ballroom will find you a partner to 'meet', and maybe more...
You minx, you.
Castlebar Street, Westport, Co Mayo
Worth a special visit in its own right.
All you need to do is say "Mayo for Sam" with a wink and you'll have them in the palm of your hand.
Ludlow Street, Navan, Co. Meath
You can nearly see the hormones pumping out of The Palace as you stagger through the queue, beer goggles locked and ready.
Tonight's the night...
Main Street, Carrickmacross, Co Monaghan
As scarred for life as this place will leave you, it had to be included on this list.
Bridge Street, Tullamore, Co. Offaly
Tullamore's "premiere venue" always plays host to a wide variety of shiftable suitors.
You won't be stuck for choice. And sure if all else fails you'll always find someone outside of Supermacs.
Castle Street, Co Roscommon
Being able to say that you've sucked face in Rockfords will earn you brownie points all over the country.
Legend status, confirmed.
Shore Road, Strandhill, Co Sligo
The only place to grab a sly shift after tag rugby on a Thursday. When you need it most.
Parnell Street, Thurles, Co. Tipperary
A notorious spot for that sort of carry on – with shifts as legendary as the man after whom it's named.
Lar Corbett's Monday and Thursday nights will go down in history.
READ: 30 Things Tipperary Has That You Simply Won't Get In Dublin
Drum Road, Cookstown, Co Tyrone
Maybe it's love, or maybe it's your lack of sight in the dark club, but tonight everyone in Sense is shiftable.
Take your pick.
Manor Street, Waterford City
With drinks for just €3 it won't be long before you're flirting with the wall.
But if you can manage to latch onto a gal or guy before you've hit that level of drunk then bat those eyelashes and pucker the fuck up.
Oliver Plunkett Street, Mullingar, Co. Westmeath
If you're looking for a slightly fancier facial-frolic then Fence is the exact place to descend upon.
Gorge.
Enniscorthy, Co Wexford
It wasn't easy to look past The Stores and Benedict's, where everyone and their mother has once gotten the shift.
But all Wexford locals know that the annual Strawberry Festival is where true love is born. And by true love I mean a regret-filled snog.
Shedfest is also a good shout for an annual smooch. Because what happens in the shed, stays in the shed.
Strand Road, Bray, Co. Wicklow
Escape upstairs with your bae-du-jour. Find a nice couch in front of the fire and lob the gob.
Be sure to close your eyes though. The paintings on the walls are creepy af and mood killers for sure.
READ: 47 Things Bray Has That You Simply Won't Get In Dublin
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