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11th December 2018
11:29am GMT
We're a strange bunch down in Mayo.
The thought of 12 pubs would be enough for anyone but no, we had to go and take it one step further.
Only the bravest of soldiers would try out the county's finest 12-pub-Christmas-crawl, and not many would survive until the end.
When I first heard about '12 Parishes', I absolutely loved the idea.
It's so easy to just head into town, pick 12 pubs and begin the journey but this takes so much more effort.
Image credit Anthony 'The Toaster' Lawless
You have to organise the bus, gather the troops, ring the pubs in each parish to see who's allowing 12 pubs and who would stop you at the door the minute they come across your embarrassing Christmas jumper.
The idea originated in Castlebar, so it's only right that the 12 Parishes first stop would be there.
When I was growing up, Castlebar was the spot to go out. As the years went on though, the shift changed from Castlebar to Westport and you'll find throngs of people from Castlebar heading across to Westport to go to the nightclub, despite Castlebar having one.
If you're having a scoop here, you're probably going to head to Johnny McHale's or The Bungalow for 'wan' before heading on to Breaffy.
Home to The O'Sheas and the famous house hotel, Breaffy is only a stone's throw from the town of Castlebar. If you blinked, you'd miss it. Some people spell it Breaghwy, we're not sure why.
Staying with the 'Bs', Balla is next. Pronounced Bal (as in Bali would the 'i'), you'll probably snake into Mannion's or The Shebeen and maybe throw in and old short, if you'd so wish.
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There's a lot of travelling after that. Claremorris, Knock and Kilkelly are all about 10 minutes or so apart.
So, you can understand why the lads bring cans with them on the bus for the moments in between.
"There's great craic on the bus", The Toaster tells me. He's the lad who provided the list above.
Apparently there's a pub in Kilkelly that's great craic but when I asked Toaster what it was called "Haven’t a scooby-do, could hardly remember my name at that stage."
Not a good sign, six parishes in.
12 Parishes, doesn't just mean 12 drinks but it doesn't mean you have to be 'swamping' cans as if it was your last night on earth.
If you recognise the name 'Swinford', you're probably a fan or have watched The Hardy Bucks, hey.
Nothing but shnakes in this town, hey. A town full of "drinking, fighting, smoking, shmoke-shmoke, shmoke all day man."
Ah no, all codding and joking aside, there's lovely people down this neck of the woods and the pubs are plentiful. You might even stumble across The Viper, Eddie, Buzz or French Toast.
Back to the 'Bs' again and Bohola and Ballyvary are next on the list. Ballyvary has the best football team name ever, Ballyvary Blue Bombers.
Frank O'Reilly's is your only man down in B'Vary.
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At this stage, you'll start turning the very full ship and heading for Westport. We can guarantee you that you'll find it very hard to pronounce both of these place names by the 10th and 11th pubs.
Turlough and Islandeady will probably be a blur for most but hey, you tried your best and fair play for that.
Islandeady is home to former Taoiseach Enda Kenny and some say that if you say his name three times while ordering a pint at 'The Halfway House', he'll pay for it*
*The above statement may be inaccurate.
And as for the last parish, there's only one place you're going to be wanting to go to in Westport, depending what time it is.
We've talked before about how this is the best town in Ireland to go on the beer in.
If it's before 10pm, there's a various amount of pubs that would welcome you with open arms to finish in. But if it's late at night, it's straight to 'The Castlecourt' nightclub with you to dance off all the alcohol with cheesy tunes upstairs.
Nothing gets rid of Guinness faster than Westlife, fact.
Now we know what you're thinking, how long does 12 Parishes bloody take? Well, we did the maths, so you wouldn't have to.
A grand total of 112km and a trip that costs roughly around €20 on juice for the van, more when you take into consideration the amount of people on it.
It's something that I'm hoping to try out this year, that is, if I get the invite. You should organise one yourself, maybe the 12 Postcodes for Dublin.
